grr, they hacked down my tree

Woke up last saturday, and realise that with bamboo scaffolding, the naked tree outside my bedroom window is now clothed with spiky bamboo sticks; as if, finally some officials decided that its been an eyesore and it has to be covered.

The tree that has been there for me since I could remember, accompanying me in my many sleepless nights, dreamy afternoons, and lazy mornings.
There, motionless, it's been there all the time as I go through my ups and downs in my quiet little room.

Are they going to take it down ? just like that ? Without a warning, a chance to say goodbye, can i protest?

The fragile-looking tree branches are caged; tiny little birds refuse to stay around anymore. Isolated, the tree seems to be frowning, in muted silence, waiting for its day to come.

I thought, I have got to at least take a photo of this beloved friend before he is being taken down.... and then, days went by, i came home turning the lights on and off, getting in and out of bed..., forgetting to find the time to look out of the window. ...
and then one morning, the friend is gone.

and surprisingly, my memories of the naked branches held hostage in the bamboo cage, is now one that shown strength, persistence and steadfast determination,
a silhouette that suggested confidence, even while in solitude; calm and collected, even while being alone.

its been there when I first dreamt of relationships,
when I had butterflies in my stomach, when i had my first kiss
when I first fell in love, and fell out of love
when I saw beauty in his eyes, when I felt a surge of pain and hurtful sentiment in somewhere inside me
speechless, and when I cried.
when I woke up in dead silence, and moved on with life.
and now it has to be put down, put to rest.

just about coinciding    some beautiful story of mine.

calm and collected, i have got to put it to rest, somehow.

I wish I can be a 'fellow traveller' all my life, towards all life's issues, without being condemned by the Leftist or the Rightist.

Of course i am not talking about politics, in that area I think i have established my stand.

But life, it is, that i am dealing with.

and no one let you stay uncommitted forever. because you will end up with nothing ...
or losing what you have, or could have had....

and unmotivated soul.

just want to curl up, and make myself the most minute existence in this world, that occupies the least spatial compartment and hide in a blanket or something.

and not move.


station, is the safest.
the slighest movement might bring dreadful result.
let the world react on you, instead of you responding.

I feel safe, under water,
sink in and submerged,
let yourself be surrounded by fluid,
the warms and the enclosure,
being wrapped around and contained

and you forget about danger.

i certainly do not feel like moving.
since when do I forget how to be myself alone and enjoy sorrow.. i guess since when i realise there is alternative. a better alternative.


i walk away alone, wanting someone to come find me
i fall down by myself, hoping someone will catch me
i drown in thoughts, imagining someone reaching out their hands to me
i remain station, waiting for any invitation or emcourage me to trust the world again.
and to remind me to believe in myself again.